|we cannot stop ourselves|
I started this beat back when I was in the hospital recovering from some "serious biznizz". That was almost 3 years ago, now. It's hard to believe it's been that long; the whole episode has cast such a long shadow.
I'd brought my laptop and a tiny little midi controller and I was doodling around trying to keep my mind off the "biznizz" at hand.
I was on some industrial strength pain medication.
Several, actually, but eventually the one that worked the best settled out of the mix and that was "Toradol". When they came in with a syringe of that, I was headed down to la-la land for sure. It was down there in that deep medicated fog that I came up with the little sinusodial arp line. That was about all I was capable of at the time, but I did remember to hit record. Of course, that's where the beat got it's name.
We live within a bottomless ocean of loops. Repeating patterns echoing through our history; ebbs and surges, crashing against the beach of the present like waves originating from the dawn of time. The end is the beginning is the end of the next beginning. We can look outside ourselves, and we can perceive the shape and form of our reality, but in so many ways, we're helpless to even perceive the immensity of the system we're inside, let alone effect changes.
It's been one hell of a week, and one hell of a long weekend.
"Drama", I suppose is the word the kids use these days to describe it. I'm tryin' to hold onto my sanity, and I suppose in some small way, seeing things from this point of view helps to make peace with the brokenness of the whole situation.